Trapped

I am willing to wait for you. I have been. Even though when I wait, time seems to stop. Defying the laws of modern physics, to me, last month lasted for at least a whole year. No joke. And still, every time I talked to you, or heard your voice things seemed to improve. I spent so many hours thinking about the next time I will be able to see you. Your memory makes easier for me to fight the long nights that seem unwilling to go away and let another ever lasting day begin. And, ironically, that same memory keeps me stuck on hours, minutes, seconds that crawl through the clock, making it impossible for me to live my life. And I don’t know how to react anymore. There are still 18 more months to come, and to be honest, I can’t keep doing this. I don’t want to give up on you, but I am afraid that if I don’t my world will keep getting smaller and resuming basically, to you. And I wasn’t made to be that way, I love my freedom, and I love not have to take care of anybody but myself. And I know that is not what you are asking me, but that’s what I seem to be wanting to do. I know that I’ll miss you even more if I do let you go, but maybe it’s easier to live all the pain just once and only once, than to divide it in a million pieces and get trapped on each one. The truth is, it is just too complicated.